Building Your Love House: How To Focus On A Solid Foundation

So, indulge me in looking at the healthiness of a love relationship (or any relationship of significance for that matter) through the lens of the analogy of a house. A house has of course two main components: a frame and a foundation. The frame mainly encompasses what externally and internally looks and feels appealing about the house. So it’s obviously important to have the best and most enjoyable frame to that house you can have.

Yet there is another essential part of a house, which of course is the foundation. The part of the house that holds the frame up and keeps it in place, regardless of how the frame actually looks and feels.

Enough said; you know what a house is composed of!

Now I’ll use the word house as an analogy for a love relationship. Let me actually give a specific relationship example: my own current one. My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years. At this point I can safely say to date it’s the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in. I say this because our “house” has a great frame AND is built on an increasingly rock-solid foundation. Our frame is made up especially of: physical chemistry, lots of laughs, very good communication, constructively challenging each other, taking as-needed “time-outs”, and frequent displays of affection. A very appealing and enjoyable frame that we both feel blessed to have.

But it’s our house’s foundation that counts more. A foundation that has four hugely important pieces, all under the heading of mutual: mutual respect, trust, specialness, and comfort. Now, as very positive as that all sounds, you might wonder if say we argue at all? Yes we sure do sometimes. You might also wonder if there are times we may irritate each other or hurt each other‘s feelings (unintentionally)? Ring up another yes for sure. But fortunately, these kinds of challenges have to date created only very small, temporary cracks in our foundation.

The big four pieces of our foundation overall remain solidly in place. Which we are both totally committed to working on building and keeping in place—including going for some sessions of therapy or counseling if needed!
Moral of the story? Well, let’s call it like it is: a real house can have a beautiful frame to it. But if cracks develop in its foundation, much less the foundation crumbles, then no matter how beautiful the frame may be the house collapses anyway. Same exact thing really of course for a love relationship “house.”

So, if you are currently in a love relationship yourself, or are seeking one out and hope to find one soon, make sure you get as solid a foundation in place as the two of you can. The best of a true future together rides — or, should I say, stands on it.

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inner bully

Feel Like You Are Never Good Enough? Learn My Secrets To Challenging Your Inner Bully [Because I’ve Done It, Too]


Are you challenged by the belief that you are “never good enough?” Well, my friends, I guarantee you: been there, done that myself, for enough decades of my life!

Only in maybe the past 5 years have I become clear that my—I call it, and wrote a book on it—“inner bully” had kept me puffing away on a “never good enough” emotional treadmill. Meanwhile, in the process of trying so hard to see myself as “good enough”—better yet, good, much less very good—I was very successfully disregarding my actual successes in my life, be they, e.g., professionally, academically, or inter-personally.

Photo by Inzmam Khan on Pexels.com

Ever wonder how the “never good enough” (NGE) bully takes control of your thinking? Or in other words, are you clear where this bully get its strength from? Maybe this is obvious, but just in case it isn’t: it gets its strength mainly from two things: 1) being negatively compared a lot to, e.g., your siblings or your friends; and 2) getting either lots of “yes/but” pseudo-compliments (e.g., “Yes you did well, BUT if you had worked harder you could’ve done better!”) or almost no compliments or praise at all. And as a little P.S. here, all it takes to feel NGE is to have had one parent be like this, even if the other parent did exactly the opposite, and gave you steady doses of praise, compliments, and encouragement!

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

So what do I recommend you practice doing to stand up to your NGE bully? First, in case you get caught up in this a lot (like I so often did), you need to stop comparing yourself to other people! Then (as I have posted previously) do something I make myself do and encourage my clients to do: just before bedtime, take a couple of moments to list at least one thing you did that day that falls in any of the following categories:

🔸an act of kindness;

🔸a goal met;

🔸worked hard at something important;

🔸something creative and/or fun;

🔸an act of courage.

Because as long as you are doing these kinds of things in your life, you are always better than “good enough”. In fact, you are actually a quite GOOD person, even a VERY good person. Time to stand up to your inner bully and start believing that, once and for all!

For more on standing up to your Inner Bully, join me for a FREE Expert Panel Discussion on March 12th at 2 pm; simply click below to register a spot and be a part of the conversation!