Are you challenged by the belief that you are “never good enough?” Well, my friends, I guarantee you: been there, done that myself, for enough decades of my life!
Only in maybe the past 5 years have I become clear that my—I call it, and wrote a book on it—“inner bully” had kept me puffing away on a “never good enough” emotional treadmill. Meanwhile, in the process of trying so hard to see myself as “good enough”—better yet, good, much less very good—I was very successfully disregarding my actual successes in my life, be they, e.g., professionally, academically, or inter-personally.
Ever wonder how the “never good enough” (NGE) bully takes control of your thinking? Or in other words, are you clear where this bully get its strength from? Maybe this is obvious, but just in case it isn’t: it gets its strength mainly from two things: 1) being negatively compared a lot to, e.g., your siblings or your friends; and 2) getting either lots of “yes/but” pseudo-compliments (e.g., “Yes you did well, BUT if you had worked harder you could’ve done better!”) or almost no compliments or praise at all. And as a little P.S. here, all it takes to feel NGE is to have had one parent be like this, even if the other parent did exactly the opposite, and gave you steady doses of praise, compliments, and encouragement!
So what do I recommend you practice doing to stand up to your NGE bully? First, in case you get caught up in this a lot (like I so often did), you need to stop comparing yourself to other people! Then (as I have posted previously) do something I make myself do and encourage my clients to do: just before bedtime, take a couple of moments to list at least one thing you did that day that falls in any of the following categories:
🔸an act of kindness;
🔸a goal met;
🔸worked hard at something important;
🔸something creative and/or fun;
🔸an act of courage.
Because as long as you are doing these kinds of things in your life, you are always better than “good enough”. In fact, you are actually a quite GOOD person, even a VERY good person. Time to stand up to your inner bully and start believing that, once and for all!
For more on standing up to your Inner Bully, join me for a FREE Expert Panel Discussion on March 12th at 2 pm; simply click below to register a spot and be a part of the conversation!